So, in a period of two days, I have had SIX (not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, but six) people comment that I have not submitted any work on my blog. Yes, my dear friends, you are correct. I have been quite busy. As my Facebook friends are well aware, some time ago I entered into Hope counseling training, which has occupied so much of my personal time. Introspectively, this has been one of the best personal exercises. As this blog solely refers to dating, I am a bit off center to fully address the training program and the impact it has made on me as a whole. However, as it relates to dating, it has caused me to- once again-reexamine my motivation and purpose as it relates to relationships. Simply put, “What the heck am I doing?!?!?!”
So, let me update you. I am pretty sure this will not be the happy-go-lucky post you are accustomed to, but it does assist you in getting to know me better….and also understanding why I say (and do) some of the things I say (and do). More than anything, it lets you know the motivation behind my detailed dating analysis- both on myself and the subject in general.
Hope makes us take an introspective look into the audio clips that run in our heads. We examine the patterned behaviors that were laid out before us as children, forming how we view relationships. Specifically, how did our mothers “act” as wives? What did our mother’s nurturing ability (or lack thereof) “do” to our own ability to form and maintain relationships in our own loves? How did our fathers “act” as husbands and dads? How were our siblings treated, versus the messages that were laid out to us in comparison? Again, what is the “Mother Audio Clip?” What is the “Dad’s Sound-bite” that we hear every time we speak with our significant other?
We find that what our mother’s value in a relationship….and what our father’s respond best to…often forms what we look for as adults. So, if you mom is looking to marry rich and your dad was looking for eye-candy, well, let me tell ya what’s in store for you…. However, if your mom was a stay at home mom who nurtured you and cared lovingly for your father, and your father treated her as his princess, then you have a diametrically opposed dating (and ultimately, marriage) life ahead of you.
Whether we admit it or not….whether we are trying to assign blame to someone other than ourselves…whether we are trying to justify our behavior and how it has affected someone in our lives, these things do affect us- at varying degrees- in current relationships. Pervasiveness, inclusion, compassion, punishments/rewards, explanations for intentional acts and many more factors not addressed here determine the degree to which these affect us as adults and how we come to form (and keep) relationships as adults. The excuse, “I did the best I could” just doesn’t cut it.
So, Hope swoops in and says that all these things are “in the flesh” and to find true peace, we can only look away from things of this earth for self-worth and righteousness. We cannot “do” anything to fix us…them…others…the world…life in general…save our soul (or someone else’s, for that matter). We have to simply allow Him into our lives and we act THROUGH and BY our personal God, taking our earthy definitions- and self- out of the equation. These are the concepts I am entrusted to teach others, and while going through this training, it is greatly impacting me. As a once participant, and now instructor, Hope has brought me out of the darkness and into the light, liberating me from the confines of earthly enslavement. I hope to offer Hope to others, as I am led.
That is my 30-second elevator speech. Brief, truncated, and missing tons and tons of meat, but you get the general idea.
As I have somewhat been stagnant on the dating home front for months of late, I have reentered this battlefield with the greatest of caution, holding my breath not to step on any forgotten landmines that so often frequent my- actually all of our- past. One here, one there, a date is something I undertake with patience and focus. I do not take them on so lackadaisically any longer. Today, I am looking for something of substance, not that I wasn’t before; however, I tolerated (if that is the right word to use) a lot of nonsense. And, even though I am not militant, I am sticking to my guns in terms of what I will or will not allow. (Just go with the battlefield analogy. It’s funny).
Simply put, I have come to realize my time IS extremely valuable- foremost to my son, but also to the people I serve. If I carve out time for a date, however serious (or not), it had better not be taken for granted, by myself OR them. Again, dear readers, I am not being militant, but come on now. The line forms to the left, got me? If Subject A doesn’t want to muster up the courage to be sincere, there is a Subject B, C, D…..who will.
So, hopefully, I will resume my comical postings and get back to the fun at heart. I simply wanted you to know where I have been and what I have been up to!
Much Love,
Shawn
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