I find myself sitting in front of my computer many days just shaking my head….and shaking….and shaking….and shaking….. On other days, it is worse, as I am sitting there, shaking my head (which you know already), mouth open, trying to understand the depths of what has happened to our society. Yes, I am talking about the online dating etiquette (or the lack thereof) of making an introduction.
I have seen it all, and I mean ALL. As an attractive, successful female, my responses are numerous. I have received hundreds of emails each week, sometimes more and sometimes less. My “winks” are too numerous to count, and my number of “views” could result in pages of toggling and clicking. I am pretty sure I am not alone in this, which has created a phenomenon with some of the men I have encountered. I am guessing men want to increase the statistical odds of a response, so email blasting a two-liner introduction is quick and easy. I would respond to such actions to my male counterparts by asking, “So, how is that working out for you?” Truly, what is your response rate, or better yet, success rate? Are you getting feedback on such quick hits? To me, most online dating men simply do not know how to make that initial contact in online dating.
To me, the logical course of action would be to look at the slideshow of pictures. Hone in on one or two, review their profile and their dating stats. Find out, are they separated or divorced or never married? Do they have kids? Do they want kids? What are their dating preferences? I mean, really! If she is 5’10” and refuses to date anyone shorter than 5’8”, you maybe shouldn’t be trying to hook up with her if you are 5’4” in platform heels. I’m just sayin…..
Unfortunately, rather than read a woman’s profile of interest, script a thoughtful email and send a personalized message, men have a tendency to drop a short line. Often this line does nothing to capture anything about them or their personality or even why they are reaching out to someone as wonderful as myself, least of all capture my interest. Nothing personal guys, but “Hi beautiful” just doesn’t cut it for me. “Hi sexy” results in an audible sigh and the ability to hit the delete button without even having to look at the screen to find it. “Your hot” (And, yes I fully realize that the proper spelling for ‘you are’ is you’re, got me?) is just mind boggling, especially after about ten of them in one online sitting. It’s lame and, frankly, juvenile.
Seriously, do you think I am going to read “hi sexy-like ur boobs” and then fall all over myself trying to contact you? I see it now, “Oh gosh, THAT is THE GUY I want to marry! Heck yea! He likes my boobs!” Please! You’re killing me!
Here is a short list of some of the things I have seen:
Hey babe. Your hot what I could do with those legs call me ###-###-####
Love your pics you+me=a smoking time
***Wait, I cannot remember any more. Let me sign into my account and see what’s in my inbox…. Oh, yeah, here are more…..
Great boobs imagine what our kids would look like WOW
Hi sexy (but you know that one already, right? It’s frequently used).
Do you like younger men?
Now, men, I realize why you do this, ok? Other than the statistical probability that you are increasing your chances with more outgoing emails, which I already mentioned, I realize you are thinking that many women do not respond, so you HAVE to send a lot of them out there. I get it! So, the remainder of my diatribe is directed towards my fellow chicklettes out there.
Ladies, come on! If a guy sends you a thought out email, would you give him a break and at least say, “Thank you.” Seriously! We complain that men are ‘pigs’ and they are only looking to get in our cyber-pants, but are you truly being sincere in your efforts as well?
My standing policy is, if a man takes the time to read my profile and then sends me a thoughtful email, the least I can do is write him a note of thanks. Honestly, bad online etiquette is inexcusable regardless of how many messages we have in our inbox. If we, as women, want to be treated with respect by our suitors, then we need to act like we should be respected by our suitors. Let me make this real for you. Let’s say your car breaks down and you are standing in the rain, trying your hardest to loosen lug-nuts (because you forgot to renew your AAA membership), and a nice gentleman stops to assist you. He stands there in the rain with you and helps change your tire. Unfortunately, he is unattractive and too short for your liking. When he is finished, do you say “thank you?” or do you turn your nose and just get in the car and drive off? Of course you say, “thank you,” right? Well, that same courtesy should be extended in online dating.
When a man, regardless of looks or your interest level, sends you a personalized note, tell him “thank you” even if you are not interested. I know what you are thinking, if I respond, he won’t leave me alone. Well, yes and no. If you send him a note saying thank you and you are not (kindly) interested, he will normally leave you alone. In the cases where he doesn’t, well, that is why there is a Block feature. Here are some creative and nice ways to say thanks but no thanks.
· Thank you so much for the note. It is appreciated. Unfortunately, you do not meet what I am looking for at this time. I wish you the best of luck and thank you again!
· That was very kind. I am only interested in men who live within my side of town, but I appreciate the email!
· That was great insight into my profile! It’s nice that you took the time to read it. I saw where you are a smoker, and that is a deal-breaker for me. Sorry! Thanks again!
See? There are many ways to say thanks without leading someone on. I would much rather be told “no” than ignored altogether.
That being said, let’s all try and make a concerted effort to be respectful of each other, especially in writing. I know it’s sometimes easier to not extend courtesy through electronic communication, but we are still human and we still have feelings. Be safe out there.
Much Love,
Shawn
Shawn
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