Pictures Tell it All

One of the most fun things I like to do is look at profile pictures. To me, they tell such a story. Each person has their own preferences as to how to portray themselves, but some pictures tell more of a story than others. And, if you look close enough, you can learn a heck of a lot more than I am thinking anyone wants you to know. Listen to this…..

1)      The lead. One would like to think that everyone leads with a good, smiling photo. Uh, that is not the case. Trust me. Sullen, unsmiling, even angry faces with furrowed brows frequent the main profile picture.  My only question is, “Why?” Why would you put a horrible representation of yourself online, especially as your lead? Are you kidding me?!?  Something that runs through my head is that this picture is as good as ‘he’ gets. Let me get this straight. You had all the time in the world to get a decent picture. You could crop and groom and Photoshop it, and THIS is what you came up with? This is what you made you say, “Ah, yes. THIS captures me!” Dear god.

2)      Shirtless men. Really? Please, I don’t need to say more, do I?

3)      The good, ole’ bathroom mirror photo. Nothing says, “Hey, I really want to meet you” like a toilet in the background. What’s wrong buddy? Don’t have any friends to take a picture for you?

4)      One. One and only one. There is only one profile picture, and it’s only a headshot. Would that concern you? What’s behind the double chin?

5)      Animal Planet. I am an animal fan, do not get me wrong, but, if your profile pictures show image after image of your pet poodle, I am beginning to say you are more committed to your dog than you are to living your life. And, those poor animals. I wonder if they feel prostituted?

6)      Kids. I cannot LIST the reasons NOT to post pictures of your kids online. First, let’s think safety. Pedophiles search websites. And, ladies, if you connect with a guy, meet him (when he can get your license number) or give him your number or even tell him relatively where you live, he knows that you have kids- usually their ages- the frequency in which they are home- and if you are a talking, you usually disclose information about your work schedule. To me, it is pure stupidity to post pictures of your kids on a dating site.

7)      Action Shot. You know, one time, I went scuba diving in the Bahamas. Another time, I swam with dolphins. I do not, however, use photos from either of these activities to represent me in online dating. No, I am not an avid scuba diver. No, I am not a marine biologist. To me, placing such photos in my profile somewhat misrepresents me. I doubt I will ever swim with the dolphins again and I was terrified scuba diving. Now, what would I do if I attracted an avid scuba diver by my pictures? Do you really think he is going to convince me to go back out there in the shark-infested waters? So, let’s stick to simple, accurate shots that represent what I am on a daily basis.

8)      My car. What, in god’s green earth, would motivate me to put a picture of my car…or my motorcycle…on my profile? When a man does that, I think, “So, if I am with him, all this could be mine?” Honestly, is that what you are seeking? Someone to use you? Or, does it send another message? “Hey, I am generally a loser. I am pretty darn ugly, but if you pick me, I will let you ride on the back of my cool bike.” I’m just sayin.

9)      Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Yes the background tells it all. THIS is my all-time favorite lesson about online dating. Men and women, when you are looking at profile photos, look at the background, especially the self-photos in someone’s bedroom or bathroom. Is there a mess? Is the bed made? What does the furniture look like? Is it dumpy or well kept? Are there dirty clothes all over the floor? See? There is ALOT to learn just in the background noise. Ok, ok. Listen to this. In one profile picture, I could actually see the outline of a woman’s body STILL IN THE BED! Seriously, a guy took a picture of himself in the bedroom dresser mirror and his wife/girlfriend was asleep in the bed behind him. UN-believable!

10)   Oops, I forgot to take off the wedding ring! A humorous activity for me is to catch someone’s photo where they are still wearing their wedding ring. That’s a gas! I have actually called men out on it. I have been told that it’s an old photo and I have heard that they are recently divorced with the picture being a bit old. And, of course, I have been told, “Yep. I am still married.”  Oops, gotcha.

11)   Sunglass city. Look in the mirrored sunglasses. What do you see? If you look closely at someone who is wearing mirrored sunglasses in their picture, you can often see the picture-taker. That is very revealing, especially when you ask them about the picture. It’s a fun little mind-game to play.

Well, that is it for now. I love the picture game. There is so much to be learned, if we just look….

Much love,

Shawn

Saying "Hello"

I find myself sitting in front of my computer many days just shaking my head….and shaking….and shaking….and shaking….. On other days, it is worse, as I am sitting there, shaking my head (which you know already), mouth open, trying to understand the depths of what has happened to our society. Yes, I am talking about the online dating etiquette (or the lack thereof) of making an introduction.

I have seen it all, and I mean ALL. As an attractive, successful female, my responses are numerous. I have received hundreds of emails each week, sometimes more and sometimes less. My “winks” are too numerous to count, and my number of “views” could result in pages of toggling and clicking. I am pretty sure I am not alone in this, which has created a phenomenon with some of the men I have encountered.  I am guessing men want to increase the statistical odds of a response, so email blasting a two-liner introduction is quick and easy.  I would respond to such actions to my male counterparts by asking, “So, how is that working out for you?” Truly, what is your response rate, or better yet, success rate? Are you getting feedback on such quick hits? To me, most online dating men simply do not know how to make that initial contact in online dating.

To me, the logical course of action would be to look at the slideshow of pictures. Hone in on one or two, review their profile and their dating stats. Find out, are they separated or divorced or never married? Do they have kids? Do they want kids? What are their dating preferences? I mean, really! If she is 5’10” and refuses to date anyone shorter than 5’8”, you maybe shouldn’t be trying to hook up with her if you are 5’4” in platform heels. I’m just sayin…..

Unfortunately, rather than read a woman’s profile of interest, script a thoughtful email and send a personalized message, men have a tendency to drop a short line. Often this line does nothing to capture anything about them or their personality or even why they are reaching out to someone as wonderful as myself, least of all capture my interest. Nothing personal guys, but “Hi beautiful” just doesn’t cut it for me. “Hi sexy” results in an audible sigh and the ability to hit the delete button without even having to look at the screen to find it. “Your hot” (And, yes I fully realize that the proper spelling for ‘you are’ is you’re, got me?) is just mind boggling, especially after about ten of them in one online sitting. It’s lame and, frankly, juvenile. 

Seriously, do you think I am going to read “hi sexy-like ur boobs” and then fall all over myself trying to contact you? I see it now, “Oh gosh, THAT is THE GUY I want to marry! Heck yea! He likes my boobs!” Please! You’re killing me!

Here is a short list of some of the things I have seen:

Hey babe. Your hot                         what I could do with those legs                 call me ###-###-####

Love your pics                                    you+me=a smoking time

***Wait, I cannot remember any more. Let me sign into my account and see what’s in my inbox….  Oh, yeah, here are more…..

Great boobs                                       imagine what our kids would look like                    WOW

Hi sexy (but you know that one already, right? It’s frequently used).                      

Do you like younger men?

Now, men, I realize why you do this, ok? Other than the statistical probability that you are increasing your chances with more outgoing emails, which I already mentioned, I realize you are thinking that many women do not respond, so you HAVE to send a lot of them out there. I get it! So, the remainder of my diatribe is directed towards my fellow chicklettes out there.

Ladies, come on! If a guy sends you a thought out email, would you give him a break and at least say, “Thank you.” Seriously! We complain that men are ‘pigs’ and they are only looking to get in our cyber-pants, but are you truly being sincere in your efforts as well?

My standing policy is, if a man takes the time to read my profile and then sends me a thoughtful email, the least I can do is write him a note of thanks. Honestly, bad online etiquette is inexcusable regardless of how many messages we have in our inbox. If we, as women, want to be treated with respect by our suitors, then we need to act like we should be respected by our suitors.  Let me make this real for you. Let’s say your car breaks down and you are standing in the rain, trying your hardest to loosen lug-nuts (because you forgot to renew your AAA membership), and a nice gentleman stops to assist you. He stands there in the rain with you and helps change your tire. Unfortunately, he is unattractive and too short for your liking. When he is finished, do you say “thank you?” or do you turn your nose and just get in the car and drive off? Of course you say, “thank you,” right? Well, that same courtesy should be extended in online dating.

When a man, regardless of looks or your interest level, sends you a personalized note, tell him “thank you” even if you are not interested. I know what you are thinking, if I respond, he won’t leave me alone. Well, yes and no. If you send him a note saying thank you and you are not (kindly) interested, he will normally leave you alone. In the cases where he doesn’t, well, that is why there is a Block feature. Here are some creative and nice ways to say thanks but no thanks.

·         Thank you so much for the note. It is appreciated. Unfortunately, you do not meet what I am looking for at this time. I wish you the best of luck and thank you again!

·         That was very kind. I am only interested in men who live within my side of town, but I appreciate the email!

·         That was great insight into my profile! It’s nice that you took the time to read it. I saw where you are a smoker, and that is a deal-breaker for me. Sorry! Thanks again!

See? There are many ways to say thanks without leading someone on. I would much rather be told “no” than ignored altogether.

That being said, let’s all try and make a concerted effort to be respectful of each other, especially in writing. I know it’s sometimes easier to not extend courtesy through electronic communication, but we are still human and we still have feelings.  Be safe out there.

Much Love,
Shawn

The Phone Call

I have been in several situations where a new online contact wants to immediately schedule a meeting, although they call this a first date. I am very apprehensive in doing this if I have not had at least one complete phone conversation between us.  If I had my own preference, I would have at least three calls prior to the actual meeting.  (And, if I am picking up on anything that just doesn’t ‘feel’ right, I might have more). Unless there are red flags, however if you have more than that, you are investing your time in a person with whom you may or may not click in-person. Let’s just call it what it is. My first phone call is a phone screen.

So, my advice to you  is this. Have your calls. Get a general idea if this person has the same conversational pentameter as you. See if there is a rapport. See if their conversation supports what their profile is reflecting. If so, you may want to consider proceeding to The Meeting. My words of caution are to not extend scheduling that first meeting too long after initial contact.

There are other items you should pay close attention to during the phone connection process. From your own perspective, do not be too quick to offer your number. Let some electronic exchange take place. If you are thinking that the writing is becoming excessive, offer to give your number- even going so far as to say you want it so you can text easier.  (And, from my perspective, if they don’t have a text plan or a phone that supports texting, I would ask myself exactly what century does this person live in?) I highly do not recommend offering your home or work number. In doing this, you are opening your personal and professional life up for stalkers or invasion of privacy or worse. As I have said many times, think safety!

Women, let him call you. I hear non-fundamentalists clicking and clacking away on their keyboards already. No, it is not “his place” to make that initial contact, nor is it in support of the anti-women’s movement if she sits quietly by and waits for the phone to ring. Naturally, men have a primal desire to be needed. Women have a primal need to feel secure. When a man is the one taking the assertive step, he is acting in his nature, going so far as to think, “She needs me to call.” So, call her!  Women, especially strong women (ok, I am talking to myself here), just relax and stop trying to run everything. This is one area of your life where you can CHOOSE to let someone else lead the charge.

If I may, let me speak to the females here, ok? Look, for those of you who know me, if there is one thing I am NOT its docile, demure, quiet or timid. When it comes to the male/female thing, however, I let ‘my man’ do his ‘thang.’ Let a man make the call. Let him get the door for you once in a while. It makes him feel in control for a second and, well, it lets you feel pampered. Ladies, we need a bit of that in today’s world of single moms, divorce, balancing mommy-hood with career with life….  Just chill and relinquish the reigns for a brief second. Trust me, you might just relax and enjoy it.

So, back to the call! Pay attention to everything. Here are some things I pay attention to. Now, as you may very well notice quickly, I am referring to HIM, as this is MY blog and I am heterosexual. Sorry, but I like the other team’s equipment, if you get my drift. If you are a male, substitute words with a male gender for female. If you are a homosexual male, well, just leave it the way it is. No, I am not making a female’s personal commentary and assault on men and how they treat women. Good god! This is crazy! Geesh!  

This is my perspective only. Here is my list:

1)      When does he call? If he only calls during work hours or late, late at night or early in the morning, this could be a red flag. Specifically, is he calling while wife is in the tub or after wife goes to bed? Can he not call you during normal evening hours, possibly after a normal bedtime for a child?

2)      What is the background noise? Is he standing in the shower? Does he only call from his car? Is he trying to keep his voice down? All of these could mean he is trying to talk with you without drawing attention from a live-in girlfriend or wife. My favorite situation is the guy who would drop his kids off at school and then call on his way to work (or back to the house). The second I heard the garage door open up, he jumped off the phone. Ironically, when I would call him back, he would never answer. Amazingly, he had a stay-at-home wife. Hmmmm….

3)      Can you call him, and when you do call him, does he pick up? My concern is if he does not pick up, waits ten minutes or so, and then calls you back, that may mean he is stepping away from his family life to make a call to a little sumptin-sumptin on the side (a/k/a YOU). I have had situations where the guy never, ever picked up his phone, and low and behold, he was married.

4)      Does he slur his words, especially late in the evening? Granted, we can all be a bit tired, especially if we are awoken while dozing on the couch, but does he ever snap to or does he remain slurred? Trust me, he may have had a bit too much to drink. Although this, in and of itself, is not necessarily an issue on a one-time basis. If it is prolonged and repeated, you may be dealing within someone who has a drinking (or worse, DRUG) problem.

5)      Aesthetically, can you carry on a conversation with him? I have this huge problem. I am a talker! When a conversation starts to lag, I can immediately jump in and start talking about anything. I could talk my way out of a box, literally, but this does me a huge disservice. Is there rapport because I am carrying the conversation OR is there rapport because we truly have a lot in common to talk about? If I don’t SHUT UP, I won’t be able to determine that…. So, for all of you- men and women- who are like me, please, with kindness, SHUT UP. Give him (or her) some airtime! See if there is a real connection or are you simply falling in love with your own words coming out of your own mouth.

6)      Not only listen to what he is saying, listen to what he is NOT saying. This is a conversational skill. People naturally avoid unpleasant subjects or facts about themselves that make them appear in a negative light. If you happen to ask a direct question, pay attention if you receive a direct answer or is the response a deflection. A similar response is to respond with another question. Let me give you an example.

a.       ME: Looks like we belong to the same club, Divorced members only, huh? (laugh) So, how long have you been divorced?

b.      HIM: (Laughing) Oh yeah, it’s been a crazy ride, hasn’t it? I thought I was never going to get past all of it. My attorney was great, though. He was able to put together an agreement that worked out in both our interests. How was your attorney?

Although this may be a natural flow to a conversation, do not overlook the fact that he did not answer the question as to how long he has been divorced. At some time, you need to circle back- in a very SUBTLE manner- and ensure you get that question answered. Like I said, this is a conversational skill.

7)      Pay close attention to his choice of words (we versus I). Ask innocuous questions, like “So, what did you do today?” or “What kind of trouble did you get into today?” If he responds, “WE went to the movies” or “I was cleaning out our garage,” it is possible he may be in a relationship already. Ladies (and gentlemen), do not be afraid to respond, “Who is ‘we’?” You have a right to know these things.

8)      Avoid certain subjects. This includes politics or religion or money. When it is appropriate for this information to be discussed, it will naturally happen.

9)      Be original. Don’t ask the same ole questions. With online dating, we all have a tendency to ask the same questions over and again to our prospective dates. Here are some of the oldies but goodies that I try to avoid:

a.       How long have you been on XYZ.com Dating site?

b.      Tell me your online dating horror stories.

c.       Has this site been successful for you?

d.      How many sites are you on?

e.      How many women are you talking with right now?

f.        Are you serious about finding a girlfriend or just playing around? (You have a right to this information but this is not the way to get it. Anyway, what do you think he is going to say? “Oh, yes, I am just looking to get laid. Thank you for asking.”

Here are some creative questions or conversation starters:

a.       So, tell me what attracted you to my profile? (Honestly, if he cannot answer this question, he only looked at your pictures and decided to contact you. I’m just sayin).

b.      If you had to pick one thing that struck you as unusual in my profile, what would it be? (I have actually had someone say, “Your boobs.” I literally choked on my water. Ladies, it happens. At least he was honest).

c.       Comment on his profile- activities, pictures, or items of interest. (Likewise, if you have no idea what his profile says, odds are, you are only interested in HIS chest! Again, I’m just sayin).

10)   Don’t make it feel like an interview- keep it light. I have gotten off the phone on more than one occasion and have felt like I just suffered through a second round of The Great Inquisition. Or, worse, I got off the phone and I had broken out in a cold sweat! I felt thoroughly probed! Don’t make the phone call seem like it’s a do-or-die situation. This is a time to have fun and explore each other’s profiles and interests to see if the relationship is a match. Don’t make it appear to be like work.

So, with a list of phone call do’s and don’ts under your belt, go make that call! Have fun with it. Remember, dating should be fun and this phone call is all a part of the dating process. If you are not having fun, you are not doing it the right way OR you are taking this WAY too seriously.

Relax! Enjoy! And Chill out!

Much love,

Shawn

The Meeting

THE MEETING

There are so many places to begin when we address online dating; I thought I would start in the middle. Depending on how it goes, we can either work forward or backward.  Where the rubber hits the road is The Meeting. The reality is, until you meet, you cannot truly ascertain whether or not an individual you have met online is someone with whom you are going to connect. Even then, whether or not you will have an ongoing connection is debatable.

Therefore, until you do meet, you have to rely on email, texting and phone conversations, and each of them can be deceptive in truly knowing the person with whom you are speaking. My opinion is this, when it comes to texting, we insert our own intonation, our own feelings and even our own emotions.  Take the word, “great” as an example. Great can mean, GREAT!! (as in an excellent thing!) Great can mean great (as in sarcastic and despondent). Great can also be stated with a sigh, as in exasperation. If you are hungrily wishing for a girlfriend, you may read a positive reaction when a negative one is the actual response. The good thing about texting is the response is immediate, so if emotion-based words are used, they may be a knee-jerk reaction, which could be truer to the real individual’s personality.

Email can be both similar and very different than texting. Again, the Insert-Emotion-Here dynamic is happening, so truly seeing the individual for who they really are is debatable. There is a dangerous aspect of email that many do not realize. Email can be carefully scripted and edited. True emotional reactions can be deleted or replaced, and a second set of eyes can even assist in sculpting responses.  You may not even be communicating with the the actual intended person.

Keep in mind, as well, the duplication factor. The duplication factor is where someone has sculpted a very well-planned email, and this email is copied and pasted over and over and over again to one woman after another. If you are like me, you may be asking yourself how would she truly know that, for sure, right? Well, after several years of being an online dating guinea pig, I have had recycled emails come back to me, and this has happened more than once or twice. Literally, this one individual wrote me a beautiful email, telling me I was “stupendously and breath takenly gorgeous.” He went onto say my “eyes could light up a room,” and I was thrilled to read his review of my pictures. After talking a couple of times on the phone, I came to realize he was somewhat ‘slimy,’ and I decided not to pursue a meeting. Fast forward two years and a new dating site and I received the same “stupendously and breath takenly gorgeous” email. Well, so much for originality.

Email, to me, should be avoided as much as possible. Other forms of communication which are better than email and text, but not as good as the Look-Em-In-The-Eye situation is Skype and phone calls. I will address The Phone Call in the future, for there is alot to know about a good versus a questionable phone conversation. The bottom line is when you are dealing with online communication; you cannot truly know who you are speaking with. Furthermore, individuals can lie, mislead, surprise and mold how they wish to be perceived. The in-person meeting is where you have a better chance of determining honesty.

All this being said, The Meeting becomes more critical and it is often one of the most challenging decisions as to who to meet.  For me, it comes down to two things. Let me give you my strategy for The Meeting. For me, I have found this to be very safe and rewarding.

First: Who to meet.  As a beginner for online dating, I was so excited to have the prospect of a new date; I agreed to meet just about anyone. I quickly learned there are some strange characters out there. Usually within the first few minutes of the meeting, I realized I did not ask the right questions over the phone or I did not pay attention to certain sections on the individual’s profile that I should have. And, within a few weeks, I realized there were some commonalities in the guys who may work and those who wouldn’t. Being a list-maker like I am, I decided to start writing down what I wanted and what I didn’t want. Pretty quickly, a list was formed and it hit two categories: MUST HAVE and PREFRRED. As I made decisions on who to meet, based off my list, my success rate began to go up. (For fun, I have listed my own personal MUST HAVE list at the end of this posting. If for no other reason, it may offer you a starting point for your own MUST HAVE list).

MUST HAVE’s are things that you need in order to have a secure and stable relationship. To me, this is a list of things you require to make you happy. Anything outside of this list and you may be considered as trying to “fix” or “change” your future mate. Look for what you want, and as I was told years ago, “You don’t marry potential.”

So….The most simplistic way to determine who to meet is by making a list, right out of the gate. Do it first thing. Make a list of all the traits and characteristics you wish for a mate. Imagine your ideal mate, if you need to, and outline how they will be. After you have exhausted all that you are seeking, divide them into two categories. The first is your MUST HAVE list and the second is your PREFERRED characteristics. Some people, if they feel so inclined, may even want to prioritize each of the two lists.

The most important aspect of the list-making process is to make a deal with yourself that you will not deviate from your MUST HAVE list. Regardless of how many qualities are on the preferred, your MUST HAVE list will take precedence.  No matter how cute he is, if he does not meet your MUST HAVE criteria, pass him on by. If she has the sexiest eyes in the world and the sweetest voice, if she does not meet your MUST HAVE list, do not make an exception for her. MUST HAVE’s are deal-breakers.

WITHOUT EXCEPTION, every time I have deviated from my MUST HAVE list, the meeting (or worse, the relationship) was a failure! Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it!

Second: How to meet. Let me tell you the easiest way I have found to have a first meeting. My secret is The Twenty-Minute Meet-N-Greet. Before you agree to any requests to meet, make the suggestion that you meet for twenty minutes only. No matter how good or bad the meeting goes, agree you will only meet for (20) minutes. Agree you will check the time and at the end of the twenty minutes, you will part. If either of you choose to pursue the other, you can make arrangements for a real First Date. This way, there is no pressure- no worries- no concern of rejection for that initial meeting. It’s in and out, and it is painless. No more sitting across a person who said they were 6’2” and really should be sitting in a booster seat for safety reasons…. Trust me, been there, done that! The twenty-minute, first meeting has been a godsend for me.

My only other suggestion is to ensure you meet in a public place and be safe. Ensure you tell someone where you are going and agree you will check in before and twenty minutes after the meeting. If the individual appears suspicious, leave immediately. If they are late without calling, it’s a sign of disrespect and you should skedaddle. First impressions are everything. Trust your gut.

Here is my list of MUST HAVE criteria. At a later date, I will give you my PREFERRED. Until then, enjoy!

1)   Must be college educated. My reason for this is we are all on certain intellectual plains, but more importantly, we all value things differently. For me, education is critical. I value a college education more than anything. It took me (17) years to obtain my bachelor’s and I did it while raising a child, working full time (and often another part time job), and going through life’s ups and downs. No one paid my way, and I have thousands in student loans today to prove it. I have been ridiculed for not having a degree- even by members of my own family, no less- but I never stopped. I have had to travel for work. I have run out of money. I have struggled trying to understand academic concepts and methods of studying. I have had to work odd shifts and erratic schedules, but I never gave up. I got my bachelor’s, and it took me (17) hard earned years to do it.  For me, I cannot see any reason for a responsible, hard-working adult not to have an education.

2)   Must be drug free (and yes, pott IS a drug. It is illegal and if ‘caught’ it could cost a person their professional license, custody of their child, inhibit their ability to be hired, to list just a few reasons. For me, this is not a debate or political discussion about what the government should or should not allow. The bottom line is drugs (including pott) are illegal, and frankly, make you stupid. I do not do them. I won’t ever do them. I don’t want people who do them around me…or my child… Period. Ever. End of discussion.  If I compromise that, I am risking what I value the most in my own personal life- my child, my education, my career, my reputation. Trust me; no man is worth that.

3)   Must have a career, profession, or higher level aspiration. I am a professional. Yes, I can act like a goofball, but I know when to turn it on and when to turn it off. If you have never had a career- and I am not referring to screwing in bolts and hauling rope- you simply do not know how to act appropriately in executive settings. I am positive that some of you are ready and willing to argue this point, and I truly respect your position; however, my date is a reflection of me.  Even though you may disagree, my experiences have proven- with me- if you are not a professional, you truly do not understand the dynamics of being with an executive like myself. Its embarassing to me and unfair to you.

4)   Must be a non-smoker.I used to smoke and the desire to smoke still hits me from time to time, but I never want to ever smoke again. Why should I bring it around me, and (again being honest) for a non-smoker, why would I want to kiss that every day? Yuck! It stinks.

5) Must be single- not be married (or separated) or living with an ex (including ex-girlfriend).

Well, that is it for today! Next week, I will be addressing The Profile!  Happy dating!

Much love,

Shawn

Welcome to my Online Dating Blog

Hello there! Let me tell you a little bit about myself as we embark on a journey into the world of online dating. Yes, the New Frontier analogy is going to get real old, real quick, so let’s just stop now, ok? 

Good! Well, my name is Shawn Dobson. I am a 43 year old, divorced mother of one. I live in Atlanta, GA and my credits include appealing for my PhD in Psychology. I have a bachelor’s in Psychology and a Master’s in Management, and I have worked in consulting for a number or years. Over two years ago, I returned to the corporate world due to a diminishing economy. So, here I am, like everyone else. I have worked extremely hard my entire life, put myself totally through school (no silver spoon in my mouth, thank you very much), and ‘thought’ I had myself set for retirement. BOMB! Down goes the economy and I am forced to return to the workplace. Gotta love it.

But, none of this is why I am here. I am here because I have returned to the ‘settling down’ portion of my life that I lost three years ago. Psychology.

I am divorced and- to be totally blunt- I have NOT been very successful at this marriage thing. It is my goal and dream to be happily married to a stable, honest, hardworking, financially stable, non-drug/alcohol addicted man, who truly wants to be a husband to me and a stepfather to my son. So, with my son, my God, and my career as my top priorities, I have dedicated the remaining energy into dating.

Using all my resources, I have made a strong and concerted effort to find “the one.” I have searched the bars, my church, gone through my friends….and my friends’ friend (LOL)…. I have I looked in my gym, in my neighborhood, the local aquatic center, and the local grocery store, all to no avail. Then, four years ago, I tried online dating. WOW! Did my world open up for me….

I found dates- and lots of ‘em! I registered with two pay sites and one free one, and I was hit from every direction. My phone could not stop blowing up. Emails flooded in and I was swept up in countless “first meetings” with individuals who reviewed and read my profile.

In the years I have participated in the online dating scene, I have come to learn some nuggets about the online process. I have been able to decipher profile verbiage. I have come to understand what “Interests” really mean. I have established an Online Dating Vernacular, which correlates to direct language (and, trust me, it ‘ain’t’ what you think it is!)

The purpose of this blog is to assist you- other online daters…newbies to the online dating scene….or people who simply are tickled by one of the newest psychology trends. It is my intention to post at least ONE significant lesson in online dating each and every week. I welcome your comments- even if they are to tell me I am jaded or cynical- and look forward to a fun and prosperous relationship as this blog advances in age!

Much love,

Shawn Dobson