Kerplunk

It seems like every so often, I get one of those First Meetings that requires telling the world. And, for women over 40 everywhere, this may be one of those stories you cling onto and yell, “Yippee!”

Last night, I had a First Meeting with someone I had met online. For two weeks, we have talked and texted, which is a bit longer than my norm before actually meeting the individual face to face. Given my hectic schedule, both with work and my family commitments, it prohibited me from setting a definite time. Given I had a free evening with my son out of the house; I decided I would meet for a few moments to actually put a face to the name and pictures I had been reviewing.

I walk into the restaurant, where he is already seated, and find him 2/3rds of the way through his first beer. Given he had just texted me 4 minutes before saying he just sat down, I found this something to observe, although I was not fully concerned at this point. We made our introductions and greetings, with me standing and him remaining seated. From an etiquette perspective, I thought that this was something of note, but I do consider myself somewhat traditional in terms of such things. I let it go.

After I sat and removed my jacket, he simply looked at me. Well, actually, he stared at me. Okay, truth be told, he gawked at me. A full-on oogle. I was thinking, “Okay, this is awkward and I had better say something quick before he drools.” Instead, he interrupted me and said, “So, your profile states you work out at least four times a week. Really?” and he made an odd face and cocked his head sideways.  Well, I guess what I thought was oogling was really disappointment and he was quickly coming to terms with it. Yes, I work out four times a week, minimum. My workouts, however, are heavy weight lifting and strength training, not the (assumed) aerobics he was expecting. I responded similarly and he seemed to be okay with it, so the meeting continued. We talked of his work and his music and his friends and his weekend activities. The conversation was, in reality, a monologue, a one-man rant about himself, a soliloquy. Being a student of behavioral oddities, I observed with the amusement of a psychologist in training, which is exactly what I am, haha. Sweet!

After his downing his second beer and me finishing my first water, I told him that I needed to head on home, given the late hour.  I offered to pay my share, oh wait, I had water, didn’t I? Haha, so he paid the bill. We walked out to the parking lot, where his car was closest to the door. He asked if I could listen to a particular song we had discussed earlier in the evening, as he had his iPod, and I agreed. Why not? If he made a move, I was pretty sure I could take him. After all, I had at least 4 inches and 10 pounds on the guy as it was. I am in strength training, after all!

So, after a very smooth and dynamic song, lasting 4.19 minutes (yes, I was watching the clock. I was tired, give me a break), I wished him well and made my goodbyes.  As I was getting out, he said, “Well, it’s up to you.”

I stopped. “What? What is up to me?” I was thinking, the next call? The next date? Did he ask me something and I had tuned his incessant jibber-jabbering out?

His response stunned me, “What we do next….tonight. Where we go.”

I told him, “I am going home. I am tired and I am a bit sore from my workout tonight.”

“Shawn, if you rub my back down with oil, give me a great massage, I bet your sore muscles will stop hurting. You can follow me to my house. It’s only four miles away.”

I looked at him. This guy, who showed disdain for me earlier in the night, this guy who could not even get up to greet me, this guy who never even bothered to ask one question to or about me, was actually thinking I was going to follow him to his house? Is this the 2012 version of Atlanta Punked? Seriously? Where are the cameras?

I looked at him….  I just looked at him….. All I could see was that initial look on his face, earlier in the evening, when he asked me about my workout schedule…. That look of disdain and of dislike. And, it hit me….. Whereas I would normally excused myself and just gotten out of his car and went home, thus ignoring him forever, I decided to say something.

“Let me get this straight. You blatantly look at me with disgust, as I am assuming you think my body is not your type….You monopolize the entire conversation, never even once asking me about my day….Knowing I am not feeling all that great, at this late hour, you want me to come to your house and give you a massage? Really? Let me tell you. I am 43 years of age. I am in good physical shape. I work out regularly. I am smart, funny, educated, and I am financially secure. You, on the other hand, are bald, 40 pounds overweight at best, half a foot shorter than me and rude. Good luck in finding your supermodel,” and I got out of his car and walked to mine.

Getting in my car, and pulling out, leaving him sitting there with his car idling, I felt a freedom and release I haven’t felt in years. Dating has many advantages and we can meet some awesome folks. I have met one of my best buddies through online dating. I believe it has its place, but from time to time, you (okay, WE) will meet some real winners. Those who are only looking for one thing…those who have an ulterior motive….those who are not interested in you, as a person or even as a human being. Be strong- ladies AND men (because both genders are guilty of this!) Stick to your guns. Don’t give up! Keep on looking. Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince/Princess Charming. (All I can say is thank goodness I didn’t have to kiss him!)

Much Love,

Shawn