I am reading a great novel, when suddenly my phone comes. Up pops a notification I have a new Wink, or a new email, someone has "Liked" me. I pull up the browser and see their profile.
Education? Check.
Background? Check.
Faith? Check.
Healthy/fit? Check.
Attractive? Check.
Financially stable? Check.
Legally available? Check. (although there is no category "Not living with someone, currently")
.....I respond......
.......back and forth chitchat.....
......numbers are exchanged......
And, after a few short days, sometimes less, a call takes place. Its a good call, plenty of laughing with a casual banter that reflects a degree of chemistry on both sides. There is a promise of a future meeting and with much hesitancy as the call was enjoyable, we get off the phone. Shortly thereafter, I receive a text, "It was wonderful speaking with you. Its refreshing to know that some people are sincere on their profiles. I will let you you know about next Thursday! I am excited and we will talk soon! <insert name here>"
...I respond similarly adding a cutesy smiley face, because thats what gals do.....
A subsequent text or two, maybe even a call, but thats it.
.....No follow up on Thursday.....
...... No confirmation about meeting.....
...... No more texts.....
.......No more calls.....
Nothing
All communication ceases.
Now, if this was a one-time deal, I would think that maybe I didn't have the phone muted afterall when I flushed the toilet....oops.... Or! If this were only a dynamic that happened to me, I would assume my potential courters thought I was just quirky. (Yes, its been known to happen). But, this isn't a one time deal, and its not just me. This is a common occurrence that happens with both men and women, regularly. What is going on in the online dating world?
Even though I am not a Generation X-er, or Y for that matter, people who gravitate towards online dating are, in general, technology savvy. People who are technology savvy come to expect electronic responses, right now! And, when the "right now" doesn't happen right now, they close down their browser and reboot. Much of that is true in online dating as well.
We expect a date, right now, and if we don't set it right then and there, it often wont happen. Unfortunately, with the rapidfire requests to connect through the online dating world, our attention is often pulled away..... And then lost forever..... Its like a cat in a dark room with an infinite number of laser pointers flitting here and there. I am surprised we all don't have whiplash!
I have fallen victim to this as frequently as I have perpetrated it. And while it is intentional, it can give the impression of a serial dater or misrepresent a lack of commitment towards dating in general.
To offset such impressions, might I suggest creating the concept of a Dating Round? As potential daters are expressing an interest, limit yourself to a certain number upon which you will measure the "lot." For example, you may feel you can only effectively manage three in your round at a time. So, find your three. Talk, text, email, and arrange to meet them over a two week period. As others enter (via a new Wink or email), postpone-as much as possible- pursuing new interests. Initiate, engage, meet, and pursue or conclude this round of individuals before "moving on" to another new connection.
Here is the problem....if you are flitting from one person to the next, you are never discovering the potentials of the ones right in front of your eyes. And, if you are distracted from one, you will be distracted from another.....and, before you know it, you will be like a cat in a dark room full of lazers.... And you may have missed getting to know the love of your life.
Much love,
Shawn
